Two babies are sitting in a crib together. One is happy and one is sad. The Happy Baby says "My mom is the nicest mom in the whole world! She feeds me great food, takes me for walks, reads me stories, sings me songs, tickles me and tucks me into bed at night!" The Sad Baby says, "My mom is a total bitch. Her food tastes like crap, she's always yelling at me, she never takes me anywhere, and is always just watching the t.v." The Happy Baby says "Well, my mom was like that too. You've just got to change her." The Sad Baby asks "how you do that?" The Happy Baby says "When your mom is asleep in bed tonight, crawl into her bed, open her mouth and take a shit in it." The next day the babies are back in the crib together. The Sad Baby says, "I did like you said, I took a shit in her mouth, and all that happened was that she yelled at me and didn't give me any breakfast!" The Happy Baby says, "Oh! I forgot the second part. After you shit in her mouth, you've got to piss in her hair." The next day the babies are sitting in the crib together and the Sad Baby says "I tried the second part just like you said. All that happened was she was even meaner to me and she took away my teddy bear!" The Happy Baby says "Oh I forgot the third thing. After you shit in her mouth and piss in her hair, you need to call child services." So the next day the babies are in the crib together. The Sad Baby says "Thanks for nothing man! Child services took away my mom! Now I don't have a mom at all!" The Happy Baby says "Oh, I forgot to tell you. I'm adopted!"